The Forgotten Soul

Many people tell me that they do not know anything about me.  That's true.  Of course, how would someone know more about me than I know myself?  Alright, to be honest, I am not a very open person.  Especially with emotions and feelings.  I rarely ever honestly express how I am feeling through physical emotion.  I am very good at masking my emotional state.  Those that know me well can truly say they have seen my "happy."  When I am having a good time, you'll know it.  Most likely not through my actions...unless you are one of the lucky few.  I have fun a lot.  I like to have fun.  However, I often do not look like I am having fun.  I can not explain why, that's who I am.  You can not honestly tell me that you have never had a day where you were completely fine and enjoying yourself, but just didn't show any signs of it all.  Com'on you know you have had a day like that.  That is what my day was like today.  I had a lot of fun; I enjoyed myself quite a bit.  I just had no intention of expressing it physically.  I hope this helps those with questions.  Now, to cover a front that has been losing...but not with my troops.  My true friends can tell you that I rarely disclose any information, be it meaning-less or not, voluntarily.  However, I will spill out most information if I am engaged into a conversation or asked directly.  This subject is slightly easier for me to explain.  I do this because I feel that most of what I could say has no relevance, meaning, or desire to be heard.  I would rather not burden people with my jabber.  Unfortunately, people seem to consider this information crucial to understanding a person.  It's a bunch of bull to me.  Most of what is said is just a formality...no one really cares where you went to lunch (for example).  It clearly a social tool used by the insecure to develop a weak bond between one person to another.  A bond that is built on lies (subconscious or not) and useless information.  I feel that most of it is a waste of time.  That is why I rarely talk...mainly with "adults" for that swap irrelevant jabber all the time.  Do not judge because I am quite and keep to myself, I merely do not want you and I to create a "bond" (or friendship if you will) that both of us know has no substance.  If you feel you do not know me, then ask me directly...don't ask me how my day was, I know you don't care (I don't really care either).  I just wanted to express how I feel about these things as they seem to have come up recently.  I hope that you now understand, and if you don't, then maybe you should ask me directly (it's a better way to get to know me than asking if I had fun at the fair).

--Travis

Happy Nick, I have finally posted in this thing.  See this and more at 42site.com.

Current Mood: frustrated